Call of the Wild

First question!  And it’s doozy!  Death.  Drama.  Dinner.  Yay for Laureen!  She obviously knows my affinity for protein brought down by stalking through the forest pretending I’m the heroine out of a Jean Auel novel. 

Oh so many choices…but right now, after surveying the incident in my garden last night, I’m thinking I’d enjoy a nice pressure cooked squirrel.  I have plenty of bigger game in the freezer, and even have a venison roast in the slow cooker right now.  But that bastard with the cute little hands and big brown eyes is squarely on my shit list. 

So how to bring him to justice?  The crimes include three tomato plants (it is a MYTH that rodents do not eat supposedly toxic tomato plants…my squirrel is of the variety that would find comfort in a Fukushima nuclear reactor), marigolds (!), one jalapeno plant (!!), and seven snapdragon plants.  And I’m seeing squirrel tracks amongst the newly transplanted lavender plants.  What the hell???  Lavender??  Is he a decorator with an affinity for bed and breakfast soaps?  

El Bastardo is a wily little rodent…I can’t quite catch him in the act of feasting on my greens.  When I see him out the window, patrolling through the plants, I run outside only to find him perched on the front step, little paws in a prayer position, gazing at me with all the innocence of the five year old Buddhist monk. 

So I think I will not be able to just shoot the little flea infested rat.  Something about shooting a critter that reminds me the stuffed toy my son kept in his crib…it would be…traumatic.  Plus, there’d be no meat left after I blew him to smithereens.   I can’t smash him with a shovel…that’s not really my style.  That’s more the Spousal Unit’s style.  He’s known for his magnificent shovel swing that has brought down many a hapless gopher.  He’s awesome with a great aim.  No, I think I’ll need to do this deed in absentia.  With a freaking big trap. 

I think this will work.  Tough, heavy duty, mounted on a heavy piece of lumber, El Bastardo won’t know what hit him.  Sorry, folks…it has to be done.  My garden hangs in the balance.

  I’m trying to eat more vegetarian, for Pete’s sake. 

Recipe for Squirrel Pot Pie

2 to 4 squirrels  

2 tablespoon all-purpose flour

1 tablespoon butter

1 teaspoon salt

½ teaspoon parsley flakes

½ teaspoon ground sage

½ bay leaf

12 unbaked biscuits

1.        Pressure cook squirrels until tender.  Take squirrels from broth, reserving broth.  Add water to broth to equal 2 cups liquid.  Remove meat from bones and place meat in 9-inch square baking dish.  Make thin white sauce of flour, butter, and reserved liquid; add salt, parsley, sage, and bay leaf.  Pour sauce over meat; top with biscuits.  Bake in 450 degree oven to 20 to 30 minutes.  Serve steaming hot.  This is a good method preparing squirrels too old to fry.

From:  “The Original Tennessee Homecoming  Cookbook”, recipe contributed by a Mrs. Calvin Borden, obviously a woman with many squirrels in her garden.